Here is today's rant from a very grumpy Hamish - Buckinghamshire Council, your roads are sh*t! There, I have said it! You seem to have more potholes than the rest of the world put together, and I want to know why you put white lines and / or cones round the really big potholes - you do realise that this won't fix the problem, don't you? You do realise that the potholes actually need to be filled?
In the last 2 months, Bev has hit two seriously big potholes - actually, we should call them caverns, since they are so big that Bill, Phoebe and I could probably live in these holes! Firstly, Bev hit something big at the bottom of Whipsnaid zoo - it was such a big hit that she thought she had struck a zebra or lion, but instead of getting some roadkill for us bears she had just hit a pothole or cavern. Result? A buckled alloy wheel and slow puncture, which Paul got fixed on Saturday.
Then last night, as Bev was trying to fight her way out of Berkhampsted after an accident had blocked her usual road, she ended up on a narrow lane heading towards Tring. Just as she switched on her full beam, WHAM she hit possibly the biggest pothole she had ever seen! So, picture the scene - creepy dark woods, hazy moon, and a little cottage in the distance no doubt harbouring some crazed knife-wielding psychopath. Oh no, it was hillbilly country, though she couldn't hear any banjo music. Anyway, Bev managed to limp the poor car back to civilisation, and her knight in white shining armour (actually, it was Paul in his white shining van) came to her rescue! Phew! Who knows what could have happened if she had stayed in hillbilly country.
Paul says they should open up an account with the local Alloy Wheel Repair centre, since the alloy wheel will need to be repaired yet again, or perhaps they just need to get a rugged landrover instead of a sleek sports car. And in the meantime, Buckinghamshire Council, shame on you - fix your potholes at once and save poor innocent maidens from being trapped in hillbilly hell!
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